Recently I've committed an error in work, granting me a 5 days MC, monthly appointment + blood taking (until cleared), and daily medications in the morning and night. Not to mention I had a rough week at work prior to that. All these just hit me down to the ground. Maybe I'll make the post public one day. Until then..

I can handle it bi idznillah.. What I can't is the constant worry that come and peek me once in a while.. But I know He's the Owner of the Hearts.

So I went back home. Out of so many days, it was the day my parents had just left for a few days to another state.

I'm scared of getting medical treatment.. I'm afraid of seeing a doctor as a patient. I'm scared of needles. I'm scared of swallowing medications.

I only had Panadol when I got my tooth extracted for braces about 10 years ago. When I had to take antibiotics, I will need to prepare some cookies with chocolate milk to ease me swallowing the pills..

And now I have to face all of them together. Blood taking hurts a lot! I can never see the needle poking through my skin. I will just my eyes, look somewhere else, or scroll my phone screen. It's easier to get my friends to take the blood for me.. So it's less embarrassing to be dramatic and poke only when I'm ready. Haha

I used to look forward to this posting.. It's always been my favorite field. But as of now.. Maybe I'm just demotivated.

It's the same cycle all over again as I enter a new posting ;
"I can't wait to finish and move to the next posting."

May Allah eases my journey, allow me to finish this on time.. It's hard and suffocating..