30th October 2021, Saturday. It was the first day of my shift. I'm the kind who gets thrilled over working on holiday because it's less busy.. And alhamdulillah I was in the "transition ward" as I call it. Where all patients are placed there temporarily until their COVID status is cleared.

Everything went well, the bosses were nice.. Presented smoothly. Prepared for tomorrow beforehand.. Until it's 4 pm. A new patient was pushed in. My partner's shift will end at 5 pm, so it's an unspoken rule for me to handle him first hand - as in taking swab, bloods, whatever needed.

I've done "donning in" (to wear PPE), clerked the patient. Took blood from the patient - about 20cc, because we needed for blood cultures (2 bottles of 7-10cc), and other few bloods to send for investigations.

To keep the story short : Needlestick injury happened between me and a HIV patient who has just started treatment 2 months back. Maybe one day once everything is settled (there are months of follow up), I'll talk about it. I couldn't really find others' experiences on blog.. After all, it's not something pleasant to talk about. But alhamdulillah, now that I posted this - I'm fine.

This is not an uncommon accidental injury among healthcare workers. To reassure my beloved friends, it's less likely to get infected with HIV through injuries like this. Hepatitis B is more commonly contracted that way. Hence as a result, I'll be on medication for 28 days, twice a day.. The hardest part for someone who has difficulty to swallow even a Panadol / antibiotics. :(

"You are not lazy, unmotivated, or stuck. You are stuck living in survival mode, you are exhausted. There's a difference." Put aside the fact that this working field is already tired enough.. What hurdles me right now is not knowing my working schedule.

I don't know if I'll be working straight 7 am - 9 pm for 5 days, then on the 6th day I'll be working night shift. Then after the night shift I won't know if I get an off day. Or worse, I get to know it's my off day on the day itself, only to realise that I won't have any off day.

I made it sound complicated, did I.

I find it hard to cope with unscheduled routine. It's not easy to work on night shift, only to know you will work again night shift on the day itself.

I'm a proud introvert. It's never been easy for me to work with people. But I cope. I just need a little breather and I'll be able to function. Not well, but hopefully, making someone's life better..

Worse ; you won't know when you will be deployed to another place, to an unknown location, for an unknown duration. No criteria, randomly picked.

Since the pandemic has been getting harsh, living in the middle of pandemic centre, it's getting worse.

20k positive cases isn't just a number, those are our family.
300 Brought-in-Dead isn't just a number, those are our family.
50 employers isn't just a number, those are our family..

Honestly I don't like to read anything to do with pandemic. I stopped sharing on my social medias, hid all the notifications from friends who like to update about it. It hurts a little. I'm sorry if anyone had to read this, despite you didn't want to. Just needed to put it in words.

Take care and stay safe.

Ever since lockdown started, like many - Ummi got into gardening more than ever. Not sure she knows but her stories are what I look forward to at the end of ruthless days.

She was excitedly telling me,
"You know, I asked Bobo (lil bro) to pick up some Kesum leaves, sengkuang. Guess what he did?"
What is it..?
"I saw him took out his phone and Googled the photo!!"

I would too, Ummi. Who would find it in your jungle??
I'm buying the labeling for her garden I guess.