My last post 4 years ago brought back memories.. In a way if I were a keen reader of my own blog, I'd be worried! Is she still alive? I can laugh now but only God knows how demotivated I was back then.. I still remember the kind Medical MO who was concerned and asked if the MC she gave was enough. My parents were miles away, we could only talk on the phone - I just gave a usual "I'm okay!" voice. Haha

Anyway 4 years have passed.. 

I am in a totally different place.

Physically? Alhamdulillah, no side effects and follow up for the post needle prick was fine.

Completed my HO training on time, no issue (on surface) alhamdulillah. Emotionally bruised will heal by time.

Moved to different state, one of the thing I never imagined was to drive more than 3 hours weekly one way to get home.

Worked every night and day continuously for 22 days. No break in between - yes included Saturday and Sunday. Makes it about 80-100 hours of working per week.

Completed my compulsory service as Medical Officer as well, a full pledged registered doctor in Malaysia.

Got married.

Now I'm residing in Scotland, United Kingdom.

Here I am writing on Maghrib of First day of Ramadhan.. Counting endless blessings. But a little sad because ever since I worked - this year is the year I'm most broken financially.. I haven't been working cause I'm doing my postgraduate study. Ramadan and Aidilfitri was the time I'd splurge on my mom and family. 

They don't really need me, I make way less than them even now that they're no longer working full time. Haha. But it's just.. My happiness. Well I guess I gotta keep my heads up, believe in His words that the best thing a child can do is to pray for them. 

I would never be able to pursue my study without them teaching me to read at the beginning. So all these are for Ummi and Ayah. May Allah grant them the Highest place, provide them with barakah in their daily life, and protect them.

I wish I could give you more but these are all that I have for now.

30th October 2021, Saturday. It was the first day of my shift. I'm the kind who gets thrilled over working on holiday because it's less busy.. And alhamdulillah I was in the "transition ward" as I call it. Where all patients are placed there temporarily until their COVID status is cleared.

Everything went well, the bosses were nice.. Presented smoothly. Prepared for tomorrow beforehand.. Until it's 4 pm. A new patient was pushed in. My partner's shift will end at 5 pm, so it's an unspoken rule for me to handle him first hand - as in taking swab, bloods, whatever needed.

I've done "donning in" (to wear PPE), clerked the patient. Took blood from the patient - about 20cc, because we needed for blood cultures (2 bottles of 7-10cc), and other few bloods to send for investigations.

To keep the story short : Needlestick injury happened between me and a HIV patient who has just started treatment 2 months back. Maybe one day once everything is settled (there are months of follow up), I'll talk about it. I couldn't really find others' experiences on blog.. After all, it's not something pleasant to talk about. But alhamdulillah, now that I posted this - I'm fine.

This is not an uncommon accidental injury among healthcare workers. To reassure my beloved friends, it's less likely to get infected with HIV through injuries like this. Hepatitis B is more commonly contracted that way. Hence as a result, I'll be on medication for 28 days, twice a day.. The hardest part for someone who has difficulty to swallow even a Panadol / antibiotics. :(

"You are not lazy, unmotivated, or stuck. You are stuck living in survival mode, you are exhausted. There's a difference." Put aside the fact that this working field is already tired enough.. What hurdles me right now is not knowing my working schedule.

I don't know if I'll be working straight 7 am - 9 pm for 5 days, then on the 6th day I'll be working night shift. Then after the night shift I won't know if I get an off day. Or worse, I get to know it's my off day on the day itself, only to realise that I won't have any off day.

I made it sound complicated, did I.

I find it hard to cope with unscheduled routine. It's not easy to work on night shift, only to know you will work again night shift on the day itself.

I'm a proud introvert. It's never been easy for me to work with people. But I cope. I just need a little breather and I'll be able to function. Not well, but hopefully, making someone's life better..

Worse ; you won't know when you will be deployed to another place, to an unknown location, for an unknown duration. No criteria, randomly picked.

Since the pandemic has been getting harsh, living in the middle of pandemic centre, it's getting worse.

20k positive cases isn't just a number, those are our family.
300 Brought-in-Dead isn't just a number, those are our family.
50 employers isn't just a number, those are our family..

Honestly I don't like to read anything to do with pandemic. I stopped sharing on my social medias, hid all the notifications from friends who like to update about it. It hurts a little. I'm sorry if anyone had to read this, despite you didn't want to. Just needed to put it in words.

Take care and stay safe.